Light on the Water
This past Friday I was off. I knew it while it was happening and I still kept showing up with an edge.
It started with an early morning client strategy meeting. I was short, certain, and generally not very kind. My care came out as controlling. A bit later I got into a talk about sugar with my mom. It was not about sugar. It was about care that turned into policing. With my wife Becca there were several small moments when I was just an ass. The worst part is I could see myself doing it and kept doing it anyway.
That night the judge voice showed up. It said I’m a fake and an imposter for writing about Heart-Strong and still acting like this. The voice spoke in absolutes. It tried to disqualify me from my own work so I’d step away before anyone could call me out.
If I rewind the week, the lead up makes sense. I’d pivoted from reflection into operations. No morning writing rhythm. Instead, action. Scheduling. Logistics. Wins that felt concrete. But that shift woke up a different mode in me. The operator who moves fast and narrows the focus. In close relationships, that part can turn me into a controlling asshole at worst.
Early Saturday morning I drove to a coffee shop and went for a walk by the river. I came across a scene. Low sun along the far treeline, all fire. Gray sky above. Still water holding an almost perfect reflection. Light sitting under a gray sky.
The river carried both warmth and cool without argument. It felt like Friday and Saturday in the same frame. I’m learning that the work isn’t about eliminating the hard days. It’s about not letting them write the whole story.
Read the full piece on Substack
Learn more about the adventure at www.heart-strong.org
