Can I Still Call It Love If I Only Listen to the Science That Serves My Beliefs?

I caught myself cherry-picking science. And it shook me.

After writing about testosterone research, I noticed something uncomfortable. I was drawn to the findings that supported what I already believed. The studies that showed testosterone as an amplifier shaped by environment? I loved those. The research suggesting more fixed biological influences on behavior? I skimmed past it.

I was doing the same thing I’ve been noticing in others. Selecting the evidence that fit my narrative and quietly ignoring the rest. That’s not love. That’s fear wearing a lab coat.

This pattern isn’t unique to me. It shows up everywhere. In climate debates, where people pick the studies that confirm their position. In health conversations, where people share the research that supports their diet or lifestyle. In political arguments, where everyone has “the data” that proves them right.

The Heart-Strong Adventure is supposed to be about following truth wherever it leads. Not curating truth to fit a thesis I’ve already written. If I’m going to talk about love as a practice, I have to be honest about the moments when I default to fear. And intellectual dishonesty is a form of fear. It’s the fear that complexity will undermine my certainty.

I don’t have a clean resolution for this one. I’m sitting with it. But I wanted to name it publicly because I think the practice of catching yourself matters more than the practice of being right. If I’m going to explore love and fear honestly, that honesty has to start with my own thinking.

Read the full piece on Substack

Learn more about the adventure at www.heart-strong.org