“Are You Doing Something Fun for Your Birthday?”

On the afternoon of my 49th birthday, I went to a memorial service.

My Aunt Jill called on the way there to wish me a happy birthday. She asked if I was doing anything fun. When I told her where I was headed, she started apologizing. I told her not to. I actually couldn’t think of a better way to spend the afternoon.

Fred Koerber was the father of a very close high school friend. He was also someone I was very close to myself. What I keep turning over in my head is the arc of our relationship. He started as the father of a friend. Mr. Koerber. Kyle’s dad. Over the years he became a peer, a mentor, and eventually a colleague. One day he looked at me and said, “My name’s Fred. And if you keep calling me Mr. Koerber, I’m going to start calling you Mr. Litchfield.”

That kind of shift doesn’t happen in every relationship. Most of the people who shaped us when we were young stay in the roles we first knew them in. Fred didn’t. He grew with me.

The service brought together people from all walks of life. Old friends from high school, a favorite teacher who didn’t recognize me at first, and a community held together by one man’s life. There were tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

People said, “Tough way to spend your birthday.” I didn’t see it that way. It wasn’t about fun. It was about something better. Something meaningful.

Read the full piece on Substack.

Learn more about the adventure at www.heart-strong.org