Nobody Ever Wins a Fight

I watched Road House recently. It's mostly a fun, ridiculous fight movie. But one line has stayed with me for weeks.

The hero, Dalton, is the best bar bouncer in the country, and somehow also a philosopher with a degree from NYU. He spends his nights getting hurt. In one scene, a doctor stitching him up asks if he ever wins a fight. He says, "Nobody ever wins a fight."

I couldn't put that down. A fight is built for a winner and a loser. That's the whole design. So what does it mean to say nobody wins?

I started thinking about the fights I've actually been in. Not with my fists. The argument with someone I love where I "won." The email I fired off to prove I was right. In the moment, sure, I got the last word. But in the long run, I usually walked away with a little less trust and a little more distance. The scoreboard said I won. The relationship said we both lost.

This is where I keep landing on love and fear. Fear sees everything as a fight to win. It runs on scarcity and needs an opponent. Love asks a different question. Not how do I win, but how do we both come out whole.

The thing I love about Dalton is that his real job wasn't to win fights. It was to keep them from happening. The best fighter in the movie spent most of his energy trying not to fight.

Read the full piece on Substack.

Learn more about the adventure at www.heart-strong.org