What Is Suffering?
What is suffering? I asked that question recently while sitting on a dock over the Sheepscot River with Jonathan, a friend who spent years as a minister.
He didn’t have a ready answer. He’d never put it into words before. After a moment, he offered one anyway. Suffering, he said, is physical, emotional, or relational pain that pulls you out of the present.
I’ve been sitting with that idea for a while. Of all the spiritual traditions I’ve explored, Buddhism resonates with me most. It doesn’t try to make suffering disappear. It starts by acknowledging that we all suffer.
But I’ve always had a hard time claiming suffering as my own. I’m a white man born in the United States, living in a position of real privilege. Next to what I see in the world, my life looks easy. So, I told Jonathan I didn’t think I’ve really suffered much.
He pushed back. He asked if I was actually looking at the suffering I did have, instead of measuring it against everyone else’s.
That led somewhere I didn’t expect. For about forty years, I kept parts of myself hidden. The sensitive side. The part that feels everything deeply. I was ashamed of it, so I boxed it up. Jonathan named that as suffering too.
Maybe suffering is any way we’re kept from showing up as our whole self. And maybe the work isn’t getting rid of it. Maybe it’s just stopping the hiding.
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